I realized something today: It is great to live life with God. Sounds so cheesy, i know. I am one of those people that would like to have control of things. I used to think it would be great to have control of my own life in every aspect. But the more I live the more I realize this is a horrible idea. I need someone to have control for me. If it were all up to me it wouldn't turn out for the best. If I were God, I would most likely make decisions only for the good of myself, therefore causing harm to everything and everyone else on the planet. I realized today as I was praying that I need someone other than myself to depend on. Not just a human. But someone DEPENDABLE. Someone you can always count on to actually listen. Someone you can ALWAYS count on to take notice of the things in your life that you need when no one else will take notice of them. Someone who will ALWAYS fulfill us to the utmost if we would allow. I need this. I need more than just myself or other flawed humans to rely on. I need Christ. There are so many times when I feel all alone. When I feel like no one understands completely. When I want to give up. When I feel so overjoyed by something yet feel like no one gets why. When I laugh at something that no one else gets. When I just need to know someone GETS me. BEcause someone created me the way I am for a reason.
Sometimes I get so frustrated with the way God created me. When I look at my future and what it will probably hold and realize that I was made with a personality that I don't think can handle it I get upset. I want to be more of a leader. I want to be more bold, outgoing and risk taking. But, instead sometimes I feel so inadequate. It in this moment where I feel like God makes me realize,"I made you like this for my purposes. I will work through you, even through the attributes you view as flaws. I made you like you are so you will remember to rely on me". If I had a different personality I think I would be more likely to just depend on myself. Which is already a struggle. And I think God reminds me through my weaknesses everyday that I need His strength!!!
Anyways...Just something I realized today. I am glad I have reliable arms to fall back on. I am glad that I can pray and it be heard. I am glad I don't have to always be with everyone I love at one time making sure nothing happens to them. I can trust that someone else will do what needs to be done. Thank goodness there is always someone who is dependable when no one else is!!!
THis weekend has been good. I have spent it with my sisters. I finally got some things in the mail (so to speak). I am glad to have those things. Molly is growing up so much. It is strange to see. Today we got to go to a place in Atlanta with Go Carts, bumper boats, putt putt and an arcade and we played all those things. WE had a good time laughing. And, then me and molly and sara went to this spa and got a pedicure. But not just any pedicure. THis pedicure included a 30 minute massage, a leg wrap, a massage with hot stones (THAT WAS SO AMAZING) and our nails got painted. I never wanted to walk on my feet again. I could've sat there foreever! It was the best massage I have had since Thailand. May even have been better. CAuse it felt more sanitary! HAHA. AFter that we went and ate dinner at On The Border. YUM! And came back and swam for an hour and a half. That is molly's fav. thing to do! haha. We played baseball, had swimming contests and threw things at each other. haha. ANyways...
Tomorrow I am headed to the multi-ethnic church with my church planting class. ANd then I am going to meet up with my family at the Cheesecake Factory for dinner. MY FAVORITE place ever!!! I can't wait!
Then...it is back to school. We don't get Labor Day off like most normal people do.
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