Not So Nuts About This Week...

Last Friday-Tuesday was Fall Break. And, it was a much needed break for me. I didn't realize how much I needed a break until I got home. I guess sometimes I don't realized how stressed out I have been until I take the time to relax. But, getting back from Fall Break has kicked me in the butt. I had a couple days to relax, only for it all to be ruined the very second I got back to school! Thank goodness I am leaving again next week for a vacation. I am going to have to work my butt of today and this weekend so that I can enjoy my time in Florida.

The only upside to this week that has brought a smile to my face was dressing Jonathan up as a squirrel. Toccoa has a tradition called "Tag Week". It is like our "christian" version of a Sadie Hawkins Dance. Since dancing is "bad" in the christian realm, we obviously don't have a dance at the end of the week. But, what you do is this: a girl will tag a guy with a costume that he has to wear for the entire week. Because you tag this person, they officially have to be your date for the Hay Ride. So, you get to humiliate the guy for a week with a ridiculous costume and then he has to be your date for the Hay Ride on the following Saturday. It's kind of fun. I have never really participated. Mainly because I never quite had enough time to get something together before the time came around. Luckily, this year I got to tag Jonathan. So, it's been funny watching him walk around like a squirrel all week long. I even made him an acorn to wear around his neck that says, "I'm nuts about Jessica Horton".

This week is really stressful for me. I have had a lot going on. In fact, I really don't even have time to write this. I will share some pictures of Jonathan dressed up and I will finish updating some other time! THis is for all of you who wanted to see these:

It's A Slow Fade

Yesterday was an interesting day for me. I have a couple of moments where a situation really got my attention and God really spoke to me clearly. I don't always have days like that. So, I am sharing.

It all started when I was SUPER tired. I ended up falling asleep in my voice lesson about four times. It was pretty embarassing and pathetic. Luckily my voice teacher was understanding. I have been super tired this week! Anyways...I was sitting in my next class extra tired and was in physical pain. I decided the worst thing for me at that moment was having to sit still for 50 minutes because I couldn't focus on what we were learning because I was in so much pain. Anyways, my tiredness also led to thoughts in my head that made absolutely no sense. Sometimes I will be taking notes in class and will get really tired. When I finally jerk myself back awake I will look down out my paper to see that I have written something crazy in the middle of my notes like,"I need to go to the pickle house" (I think that was my most recent wierd one) haha. Anyways, yesterday the weird thoughts were simply running through my head when all the sudden a random phrase popped into my head in the midst of it. ANd it caught my attention I guess because I was appauled that I would even think it. Suddenly I had to ask myself why that would even pop into my head. ANd, instantly as I asked myself this question, a movie that I own popped into my head. And, I realized that phrase is in the movie quite a bit. Obviously, when I am more coherant things like this don't pop into my head. But, I guess when your brain is tired just random things come into your head. It was at this moment that I realized that some things have more an affect on me than I realize. Because if you put certain things into your head they will stay there. Lets face it: our brains are scary places. They are capable of recalling and remembering millions of pieces of information at a time. So, when you put something in there your brain automatically stores it somewhere. The point I am getting at is that I always thought that some things didn't really affect me. And, that was one of those things that I didn't think really did anything. However, yesterday my brain proved me wrong. It obviously affects me more than I ever thought.

Because of this event I started dwelling on Christ, and his holiness. I was struck for the first time in a long time with the reality of it all. He is so holy. And I am so unholy. He lives in me. Sometimes I dont' dwell on Him as a holy, jealous God. But, when you get down to it that is what we should think of Him as more often. It would help us to live a more holy life if we were to realize how offensive it is for Him when we sin. I had that epiphany become even more reality when I realized I was discussing with a friend the principle of Matthew 18 and 1 Corinthians 5. We were discussing how we were supposed to go about carrying out rebuke. You know the chapter about bringing a brother's sins out into the open. I was asking how far tht priniciple was suppposed to penetrate our lives. I thought back over times when I had straight up rebuked friends of mine for their habitual sin as christians. ANd when they didn't change I eventually stopped associating with them. My thoughts were on whether or not that was the right thing to do. But then I thought of how Holy christ is again. ANd I thought about how He is so holy He does not want sin anywhere near Him. He will not associate himself with Sin. He cannot do so. IT is against everything He is. And I thought about people who claim the name of Christ yet with their actions they completely demolish and spit on everything that God stands for. It led me to think about how if God is so holy He does not want to even associate with sin, does that mean that because he is in us he does not want us to associate with sin either? Even to take it a step further and to say God does not want us to associate with those who are completely living against Who He is and living in sin? I believe the answer is No, he does not want us anywhere near sin or near those who are habitually living in sin but are claiming the name of Christ.

For once in my life, I felt like I caught a glimpse of the holiness of God. And, part of it scared me and left me in fear of Him and living against His character with my life. Something to take more seriously, I think. Making sure we are not allowing things in our life that snuff out who God can be in our lives is important. It is pretty easy to slowly let "little things" in until we are so far away from where we should be. And it is also easy to allow things in that we don't think are harming us any (like I did). I believe God takes it very seriously when people are claiming His name but are completely destroying His holiness by what they do in their lives. We should take Christ's holiness so seriously we don't want anything to do with this!

Another thing from yesterday happened last night. Me and Jonathan headed up to Clemson in South Carolina for their swing dance night. Jonathan had a homework assignment for apologetics where he had to conduct an interview with someone who considered themselves something other than a christian. After walking around scoping out the options we approached two people on a bench. We ended up scaring the guy making him think we wanted to (in his words) "jump him". lol. It was funny. ANd turns out he is "southern baptist". Finally went entered the bowling alley and saw an indian guy. We decided to try that out. Luckily, he said yes so we sat down to talk to him. Of course Jonathan did all of the talking unless I got too excited and wanted to toss something in there or help Jonathan clarify something. But, I am currently taking a world religions class. We just got done studying Hinduism. I had never known much about Hinduism, but it is a CRAZY religion in so many ways. Turns out, this guy was a Hindu. From him answering Jonathan's questions I could tell "hindu" was more of a name and tradition in his family for him than something he took seriously. But, he had some screwed up beliefs. And, it was exciting for me knowing some of what he was referring to since I had just studied it. I got to ask him like two questions: 1. Where he was in he caste system in India (which I thought was fascinating) 2. What Hindu gods he worshipped. Since I could actually name some.

HE had just come to the United States in August and he had left his whole family and everything he knew. He was really nice. ANd unfortunately we didn't really talk much about what we believed in relation to him because he had to go play ping pong with his buddies. But, Jonathan did get his email address and such. So, just pray for him and Jonathan as he stays in contact with him. I guess this wasn't really an "epiphany" except it was an eyeopener. Sitting there across the table from someone who believed something SO DIFFERENT from me! And hearing about his beliefs fascinated me. I love talking to people and finding out what they think about life. And if I know about their religion and know what to ask it is even more exciting for me! I just love talking to people about important things! It made me excited for the future. But, it also broke my heart. And it made me realize how much I didn't want to get up and leave him playing ping pong when I knew he was going to hell when he died. It weighs heavily on my heart knowing that I have the answer to life's biggest question. And to see someone who seemed so confused about life. ANd to know that there was emptiness in what He was living out. It was so hard to live him there. My heart breaks for him. ANd, part of me was so sad that I didn't go to a university. Knowing that reaching out to international students is a HUGE way to share the gospel. It is the only time you will hve an opportunity to reach out to people from several different countries at the same time in our own culture. And the door is wide open because they are vulnerable: in a new culture, alone, without those they love, looking for someone to care. I was jealous last night for those who get that opportunity on a college campus everyday!

And, Swing dancing was of course fun!

I would like to close with these bible verses who speak to how serious God is about allowing in into our lives:

"Woe to the world because of its stumbling blocks! For it is inevitable that stumbling blocks come; but woe to that man through whom stumbling blocks come!If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it fromyou; it is better for you to enter life crippled or lame, than to have two hands or two feet and be cst into the ternal fire. If your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out and throw it from you. IT is beter for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be cast into the fiery hell." (Matthew 18:7-9)

Don't Just Be Here, LIVE!!!!

Life has been crazy lately. But, I guess I didn't expect any different. It is weird how fast this year is already going by! Before I know it I will be graduated and onto the next stage of life. I don't really love thinking about the future. IT is always a little scary to me. In some ways I am ready to move on from Toccoa. I get so bored and sick of doing the same routine all the time. However, when everything in your life changes it is always a hard adjustment. It took me two years to like Toccoa. I am hoping the next phase will be a little easier and quicker to adjust to. I was thinking back on my life recently and realizing that the first 18 years of my life were pretty consistent. They were spent in mainly one place with the same people. And I realized how much I loved it. But, for some reason I get bored with the same routine quickly these days.

I am struggling through my music classes. Which makes me hate them even more. I have had to get tutoring. I have done all I can (in my opinion) to do well in those classes and I am still crashing and burning. I feel a little like a failure in that area. Last week was a week of being sad, sick and discouraged all in one.

At the beginning of last week I found out a guy I used to go running with freshman year was robbed and murdered in front of his wife. He was my age. Even though we weren't the best of friends or even close it still was sad. It seems life has been teaching me often lately how fragile it is and how at any moment it could be taken from me. But one of the hardest things for me to figure out is how to REALLY live RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW when life seems so mundane and boring. Anytime something truly tragic happens it makes you question God some. Especially when I realize a lot of the people he has taken in my life seem like some of the most amazing people I have ever met! But, something Nick used to say is "Don't just be here, live!" And I believe that is a challenge to all of us. To learn how to not just exist and be here, but to truly live life to the fullest. That is a challenge. Especially when you are living in the monotony of everyday life.

Being sick hasn't been fun. Especially with all of the work I've had to do! I am at the stage in the semester when I feel as if I cannot give 100% to any one thing and that frustrates me so much!

Oh yeah, I also got to go eat a Hmong meal with PJ, Kim and Khou this week! That was a lot of fun! I miss those girls A LOT!


This past weekend was a good break from all of the craziness. And I finally got a chance to rest. It was homecoming and three of the girls in my house were nominated for the court. So, on Friday night I went and watched them. I also went to McDonalds with a group of friends and hung out and then came back and played Catch Phrase and Apples to Apples. On Saturday I slept in until 12:00. And I cooked lunch for me and Jonathan. We spent the afternoon carving pumpkins and then roasting the leftovers seeds! It was a lot of fun! Saturday night was the homecoming concert. It was pretty amusing. I wasn't feeling well at all on Saturday. SO really didn't feel like sitting through a concert. But, it turned out to be pretty funny.

Sunday I went to church at New Hope. I ate lunch in the cafeteria for the first time in a long time. I spent yesterday afternoon working hard to finish my Philippines scrapbook. I am almost there! It is definitely a HUGE scrap book. But, I am glad I am making it to remember everything by. I wish I had more time to devote to it! I would definitely make it cuter. But when you ahve 600 pictures it is hard to spend a lot of time on each page. otherwise, I would be working on that thing for years to come!

I was reading in my Bible this morning and found Psalm 18 to be really encouraging. I feel like I should share it with you all:

Psalm 18:27-36

27 You save the humble
but bring low those whose eyes are haughty.

28 You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning;
my God turns my darkness into light.

29 With your help I can advance against a troop [a] ;
with my God I can scale a wall.

30 As for God, his way is perfect;
the word of the LORD is flawless.
He is a shield
for all who take refuge in him.

31 For who is God besides the LORD ?
And who is the Rock except our God?

32 It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.

33 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on the heights.

34 He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.

35 You give me your shield of victory,
and your right hand sustains me;
you stoop down to make me great.

36 You broaden the path beneath me,
so that my ankles do not turn.

Isn't it amazing that God is everything we will ever need and that with Him we can do anything? I think that is just really awesome! It really spoke to me this morning and encouraged me! I hope it does you too!


HEre are some pictures of our pumpkins. I tried to challenge myself and carve an owl! Lol. Jonathan carved the other one.I also included some pictures of our trip to the corn maze. And a picture or two of my trip to Pj's and Kim's house!
















THE END!

Where My Heart Rests.....

The bad thing about going on a mission trip to a country for two months when you have my personality is part of you stays there. I developed a love for the Philippines fairly quickly. And if it were not for all the loved ones I left behind I think I would've adjusted really well to living there. It's funny how when you are halfway across the world you tend to focus on getting back to those you left behind so much at times that you miss the beauty of the moment. Steven Curtis Chapman has a song "The Miracle of the Moment". And some of the words are: So breath it in and breath it out and listen to your heartbeat. There's a wonder in the here and now. It's right there in front of you and I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment." How much Satan would like to steal the moment we are living in right now from us. He does this by making us worry, miss God's will for our lives, making us focus on the negative so we miss the good,etc...And, this happens in my own life far too often. I miss the miracle of where I am at RIGHT NOW! I miss what God wants to do in and through me TODAY because I am focused on too many other things. I have no doubt some days in the Philippines I missed the "miracle of the moment" because I was too focused on other things. Such as: seeing those I loved dearly again, what cerain things would be like, this next school year, etc...I fear now I am missing some miracles too because I am too focused on other things. I do not want this to be the case. Because when I look back on my time in the Philippines I have two regrets: one is that I didn't completely appreciate and live in the moment of the day because I was too focused on other things. And the other has nothing to do with the subject of this blog.

One thing is for sure: part of my heart is still in the Philippines. I think I realize that more and more each day I get away from that trip. Last night I had a vivid dream about my time there. And, I loved it. I love dreaming about the kids because for a moment I feel I can be with them again. In my dream I decided to fly back to the orphanage with Sarah and Cameron. I arrived in a car with Shannon and Heather (the New Zealand missionaries I worked with this summer). As soon as I got out I saw the normal scene I would see there when the kids got home from school: the children having fun and playing in the yard. Something immediately caught my attention: MJ. She was being pushed down to the dirt by one of the other children. I immediately ran over to her and scooped her up in my arms to see if she was ok. She looked up at me and with excitment she said,"Ate Jessica". And I saw a glimpse of what I used to see everyday in the Philippines. It was something priceless and one of my favorite moments. When the kids pulled up in the bus everday from school I LOVED watching them get off. You could read on their faces the excitment of us welcoming them home. MJ was my favorite to watch though because she liked to be all tough. And you could tell she wanted to be all tough coming back from school. But nothing could keep her from smiling either. When her eyes caught mine she would immediately smile. It reminds me of myself. When I got back from the Philippines I was so excited to see my family that I couldn't stop smiling. But I felt dumb that I was smilling so much so I tried to hide it and by acting all tough when I saw them. haha. Maybe I saw a little bit of myself in MJ somedays. But, I would give anything to stand in the yard once again and see that little girl get off the bus and to watch her as she tried not smiling at me. The most precious thing was that there was not even one day where she could hold back that smile.

Mj loved when planes would fly overhead. So one day I taught her how to act like a plane. And we would go flying around the yard somedays on our way to eat lunch together acting like we were planes. IT's silly...but I love those memories.

I saw another scene in my dream. I went into the kitchen and all the kids were gathered in a circle (like we did every night). They were singing songs to God in Cebuano. It was also one of my favorite memories. Hearing those little voices praise Jesus in their own language. I would give anything to have that back.


The scariest thing to me is that in time I know these memories will fade. But they were some of the most precious moments I have lived up to this point in my life. My heart aches for MJ and I also ache to love those kids again. I miss them deeply. And if I were in the position where i could adopt MJ right now I think I would. That's how much I love that little girl. In a way I felt like we were two puzzle pieces that fit. I'm weird. She was weird. THe little things I used to do with her that would usually annoy little kids just made her laugh and she would do them right back to me. It was so cute. Is it weird to say I think we were made for each other? I know you only use that in the context of boy/girl relationships. But, I mean it in a completely different way here. Yet I feel it is so fitting.

My heart aches for them today...


Random side note: today I had someone come up to me and ask if I was ok. They followed it up with the statement: I was just wondering because you don't look good. You just look like you are not feeling well or something. haha. I was just thinking,
How encouraging. Thank you!". However, I just replied I was EXTREMELY tired today. Which is very true! So, I am going to assume that is why I look hideous! Lol.