Jessica Horton Takes On The Big Apple

I just spent four days in New York City. It was pretty amazing. My only complaint is that the people up north are incredibly rude and mean at times. And, I am impatient and New York City contains millions of people! Lol.

I couldn't post all the pictures I took (I took 400). But, I did post some. I got to see pretty much all the main things in New York: Grand Central Station, The Empire State Building, Central Park, A broadway show, Chinatown, The Statue of Liberty, Ground Zero, etc...It was a lot of fun but I am so worn out!!! I walked everywhere and didn't get all that much sleep.

We also got to sing in Carnegie Hall which was AMAZING!!!

I did get jipped by someone outside the statue of liberty though. The conned me into giving them five bucks. But you learn not to be stupid in a big city the hard way sometimes. I also thought I was about to get mugged on the subway by this crazy lady who walked into our subway car from off of another one. THat is a pretty funny story. You should ask me sometime!

I was a little confused though. I kept calling the Empire State Building the Sears Tower. I am sure that was an abomination to all those living in New York City. I finally finished that off the last day by calling it the Eiffel Tower. haha. I am such a loser!

Anyways...there is so much to be told! So...If you want to know more details you can talk to me in person!

Who Is Your God?

I have been completely taken over by tons of work lately. This past week though I felt I got some of it out from over my head. I still have more to go though. I wrote a ten page paper this past week but I still have another one to write.

This weekend should be good though. Carlye is coming down for a shower this weekend and is spending the night here tonight. I have a cookout to go to tonight with Jonathan's Barnabas Group.

Also, today is my recital so I have been trying to tell myself not to freak out. We all know what happened last time I had a recital and freaked out. It just isn't a good thing!

WE finally have internet back in our trailer, which makes my life a lot easier and less stressful! I have so much research I have to be doing right now!

I was in class on Wednesday and Mrs.Griffin brought up a really good quote:
"A God who is comprehensible is not a God. A God that is to say, whom we claim to understand exhaustively through the resources of our own reasoning brains turns out to be no more than an idol, fashioned into our own brain."

I wonder how much I have made God out to be an idol or how much my view of Him is very different from who He actually is. I could be worshipping something other than the real God. I could be worshipping my version of who I think God is. We all have to speculate to some degree. But, how much of who God is in my mind came from His word and how much of it comes from preconceived notions, what I have heard from church since I was little, from what I want Him to be or from what I am comfortable with? I think in this day and age we all serve "God" but he is our idea of who God is. That can't be avoided to some degree. But, we should try our hardest to make sure we are worshipping who God really is. We discover this through prayer, Bible study, etc... I want to be worshipping the real God, not just some form of God I have made up in my mind!

The End Of The Schoolyear Insanity...

I seriously need to start doing something with my time. It seems like lots of little things have come up lately that have kept me from the bigger things. I think I will be spending this whole weekend working my tail off to get some papers written. If I can do that I think myself and everyone around me will benefit from it!

I haven't gotten much time for fun activities lately.

Our internet is broken AGAIN. It has been for a while. And at the busiest time in the semester. They won't fix it. BIG SHOCK! I feel it is a bigger waste of my time to hike up to the library or the computer lab to check it once a day than just to have it in my room. Oh well.

My New York trip is only two weeks away! I am excited about it!

I keep hearing bad things about the airlines and flying places. I hope that gets settled before I go to the Philippines. I found out I have like four connector flights. I will be going this route: Atlanta-Los Angeles-Hong Kong-Manilla-Davao.
And, I will take that same route back,except I will add Mobile at the end because I will be meeting my family at the beach for the tail end of their family vacation. That is a lot of flying. And, all by myself too. Imagine me (Jessica Horton) finding my way around foreign airports all by myself. haha. The picture in my mind is a pretty funny one. Luckily, I have been lost before. And, I know that with a couple of tears, it always gets fixed. haha.

I found out that I will be living in a house with six girls next year. We have three bedrooms, two bathrooms, two living rooms, a kitched and a laundry room and a dining room. It is pretty nice! Definitely a step up from the trailer!!!

I was reminded in Barnabas group today about something we should all remember from time to time: God never promised us that living in this world would be easy. He just said he would be with us through it all. And, that is enough. As we get older and we realize the condition this world is in and that life is not always full of candy canes and whistles (who knows where I got that???) we can get disheartened. Nobody told me growing up would be hard, painful, and it would at times be sad. But, I am realizing more and more as I get older and I become more aware of what this life is really going to hold and what it is really about, I realize that Christ is enough, no matter what I face. And, I was reminded today that our emotions don't have to go crazy on us because of that. We can submit them to God. I was really encouraged remembering this verse:

John 16:33 :
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

At least we always know, no matter what that Jesus Christ overcame this world. So, somedays as we look around and realize that this world isn't the best place to live, we can take heart. Because Jessus Christ overcame the world.

Refreshed

This past week was kind of a hard week for me in a lot of ways! But, it's over and I am feeling really refreshed and ready to take on the tasks of next week. I am thankful that God refreshes us when we need it most. Today has been good for me.

This past weekend was really good for me as well. Me, Jonathan, Jim, Brandon and Chris went up to Cohutta lodge and met with the youth group from my church back home. The band was playing for Spring Retreat and I got to tag along with them! It was so great to see Tina, Casey and Sadie Claire. I really miss them when I am at school!

It was so foggy on the mountain though the whole time we were up there that you really couldn't see anything. It's kind of a shame because the lodge is surrounded by some really gorgeous scenery! We still managed to get outside for a round of putt putt golf.

The sessions were mainly based around prayer and what blocks us from growth in Christ and from praying the way we should! I found it really amazing because you hardly ever hear sermons solely on prayer. And I don't think I have ever been to a summer camp or retreat that had the theme of prayer as the main topic! I realize that my prayer life is lacking. It is hard for me to get somewhere and sit and talk to God for a long time and just to focus on him. But, It really is something we should all do more of. It is amazing the strength it gives you and what it does for your relationship with Christ.

The weekend really spoke to me and made me evaluate things in my own life. It was good to be with my home church and my close friends again. I just really enjoyed it! It came at the right time. But, everything comes just in time with Christ. I hope this next week will not kill my refreshed spirit.

Psalm 103
Of David.
1 Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-

3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,

4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,

5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

6 The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.

7 He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:

8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.

9 He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;

10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.

11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;

12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

13 As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;

14 for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.

15 As for man, his days are like grass,
he flourishes like a flower of the field;

16 the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.

17 But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD's love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children's children-

18 with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.

19 The LORD has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all.

20 Praise the LORD, you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding,
who obey his word.

21 Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts,
you his servants who do his will.

22 Praise the LORD, all his works
everywhere in his dominion.
Praise the LORD, O my soul.

In This World There's A Whole Lot Of Trouble...

This week has been really busy. I feel like I am just being buried under all of this work that I don't even have time for right now. I am trying to be diligent and make it to where I don't feel quite so stressed out! I keep telling myself that I am ready to be done with college. But, it dawned on me yesterday that I have yet to really think about the next step in my life. And when I seriously sit down and think about it I get a little freaked out. Especially realizing I will be out on my own after all of this is over and done with.

College has constantly broken me of who I was when I arrived on campus. And looking back I don't even recognize that "me" anymore. I have definitely been stretched. I am thankful that in Christ the future always has hope. I realize lately that I need to live more in the present. I live too much in the future and in the past. This doesn't really get me anywhere. I have also realized there is much further to go in this refining process with God.

I feel as if God is preparing me for some things in my future that I otherwise wouldn't be capable of dealing with. Before this year any troubling circumstance in my life would make it impossible for me to even have a smile on my face (even around those that make me happy). It would also have made me so despaired that I wouldn't be able to see any good in the world anymore. Looking back on it, at times, this part of who I used to be makes me laugh. But, in all seriousness I am thankful for the hard situations God has brought into my life to make me realize I always have a reason to be joyful. And, I am so thankful that God has taught me the art of not giving up! I still fail, and I have to constantly fight off this part of my old self. In the end, though, I think it is worth it. Because, this world is HARD work and there will always be troubles. I must learn how to deal with them in teh proper way. I find hope in seeing people who have learned how to do this. And hope that with each day I can handle what life throws at me no matter what they may be with somewhat of a cheerful and hopeful heart.

The power of words has really struck me hard lately. And, I realize in my own life they hold the most power in relationships. I often find myself asking questions to get the affirmation that someone is not saying to me. I have begun to realize that I will never be affirmed and comforted by humans in this world the way I need to. I can really only rely on God to affirm me and make me realize my worth. Other people don't fill this void in my life. It's so interesting to realize how someone can spend so much time building another up with words and then they can tear them all down in ten minutes if they really wanted to. The Bible says we humans have learned to control everything in life. But, when it comes down to it, not even the smartest and strongest person can tame the tongue! That amazes me. My tongue often gets me in trouble. I tend to say whatever is going on inside my head. I have often wished lately that I could take the power away from words. And, I have also wished I could take back the power I have given other people in my life to hurt me however they wish. We are ultimately all selfish. And we generally don't mind hurting or demolishing others if it means we will be better off for it. I have seen this at work relentlessly in the situations around me lately.

The older I get the more I see of what sin has done to humankind. And I realize it's effects on me even. I am amazed at the attitude that people have towards those they say they care about. And even those they say they don't. Life has become somewhat of a play. And we have all put ourselves as the central character. We want the attention and we will step on anyone who gets in the way of our lime light. We don't feel like loving others, so we don't. We don't want to deal with something, so we don't. And somehow even in the realm of christianity we have made this out to be ok. Even though God says we are to constantly give ourselves up for everyone around us.

I have come to see how monsterous this task really is! This is because as I get older I have seen how everyone can be such a monster. Without the love of Christ living inside of us there is absolutely no way we can ever be what we need to for other people. We are called to complete give up ourselves for the sake of others. We are called to turn the other cheek no matter what someone does to us. How hard this is when you actually start growing up and realizing the severity of human depravity. And, I have come to grips with the fact that herein lies my future. I will be going out among the world trying to win them to Christ. Not only that, but I will be a foreigner to them. Someone who is at the bottom of their society. And I will be dealing with those who have no moral compass to guide them at all because they don't have Christ. How horrible Christians can be to each other but just wait until you are out in the world with the people who don't even know who Christ is.

I guess I am realizing how horrible it can be and how hurtful it can be to deal with humans and their finsful behavior. It gets exhausting to give of yourself and recieve nothing in return. yet, this is somewhat how my future might just loook like. I do feel as if God has made me into a stronger person for it! I am thanful for the hard times now because I know they will help me in the hard times later. I have been ripped to shreds by those I deemed trustworthy many times. And, I have also been hurt by those that I didn't even know.

How fragile the human heart is. yet life requires us to trust and place it in other's hands. I guess I might just be giving my heart to people the rest of my life who have the tendency to tear it to pieces if they really wanted. I ams ure some of them will.

I will stop now though because I am sure everyone is getting pretty depressed by this. Don't worry, I am not. Just some thoughts I am having lately.

A little Hmong girl was in our trailer yesterday. She was only 5 years old. It made me excited about this summer!

this song by Andrew Peterson sums it up nicely:

In this world there's a whole lot of trouble, baby
In this world there's a whole lot of pain
In this world there's a whole lot of trouble
But a whole lot of ground to gain

Why take when you could be giving?
Why watch as the world goes by?
It's a long enough life to be living
Why walk when you can fly?

In this world there's a whole lot of sorrow
In this world there's a whole lot of shame
In this world there's a whole lot of sorrow
But a whole lot of ground to gain

When you spend your whole life wishing
Watching and wondering why
It's a hard enough life to be living
Why walk when you can fly?

In this world there's a whole lot of golden
In this world there's a whole lot of plain
In this world you've a soul for a compass
And a heart for a pair of wings

There's a star on the far horizon
Rising bright in an azure sky
But with the rest of the time you've been given
Why walk when you can fly
High
High