"As is often noted, (in our world today) there is a constant danger of loving things and using people, rather than loving people and using things. When that temptation is succumbed to, stable and faithful personal relationships become impossible. A person engulfed in self-will and self-fulfillment becomes less and less capable of loving because as his desire to possess grows, his desire to give withers. And when he forfeits selflessness for selfishness, he forfeits the source of true joy."
That is a quote from my devotion this morning. And, I have seen this come into play in my own life. How easy it really is to stop truly loving people but to just use them for whatever we can get out of them and then toss them to the side when we aren't getting it anymore. Our world has become a world of self-indulgence. And sadly enough, this is true even in so many Christian's lives. How easy it is for us Christians to rebel against God's way of doing things. But, I have found in my own life that when I truly live like His word says I am the happiest. God knows what He is doing when he commands certain things from us. His commands are not meant to be chains, but they are meant to bring freedom.
This is just the case when it comes to truly loving others. At the core of each of us is a sinful nature that just wants to get what we want all the time. So, in our relationships we fight and bicker and nag until we get everything we want out of the other person. And when our fighting or nagging doesn't lead us to what we want, we let the other person go. If we would just let all of that go. If we would stop being petty. If we would focus on loving other people the way they need to be loved I believe it would bring us so much more freedom in our relationships. Of course this is way harder than it sounds. Typing it is significantly easier than living it.
A perfect example of this is seen in the television show "Jon and Kate Plus 8". I was really disappointed as I watched the season premiere last night. I sat on the couch watching this precious family (who just last season had a vow renewal ceremony where they showed their kids they would always be together, regardless of what came along in life) talking about how they weren't sure if they were going to stay married or not. They claim to be Christians. In my mind this was different than the secular singer/performer who claims Christ but has nothing to do with Him in their lifestyle. These people wrote books, put out devotionals, claimed Christ on their show and I really did see Him in their lives in some ways. But here they are talking about getting a divorce. For Jon it's because he has come to resent having so many children and a wife that nags him all the time. For Kate it is because Jon has made poor decisions and has turned into a different person. But, you know what? I don't care what their reasons are, this shouldn't even be an option. They've both done some pretty horrible and selfish things to one another. WAKE UP!!!
And here is another classic scenario where Christ living inside someone means absolutely nothing over the major decisions or actions of their lives. I pray not to be like that! I pray that Christ living inside of me will transform all of who I am. Even if it means I have to stick something out that is hard. Even if it means I have to work through things when I would rather not do so. Because I really don't want to be another person claiming the name of Christ who can't even carry out loving other people regardless of what I get in return.
When Christ saved us He gave us victory: victory over sin, over death, over EVERYTHING. But so many times we choose to live like He didn't. We choose to act like we are enslaved to our own habits or desires. We choose to say no to things we should do simply because "we don't want to do it". This isn't how Christ wants us to live.
I wish Christians would really stop carrying out their relationships like the rest of the world. Myself included. Because, you know what? It's always hard to love someone when they are being completely unloving towards you. But, that is exactly what Christ would've done!
I want to show Christ as big as He really is! I want Him to have His way in me. I want my relationships to be a testimony to Christ in my life. I don't want them to be a testimony of how self absorbed I am.
Can't we finally stop loving things and using people so that we can truly start loving people and using things?
What on earth am I missing
What is it that I don’t see
Is their someone somewhere out there
Crying out
Am I truly not noticing
Or just refusing to believe
Do I choose to feed my faithless self
With doubt
All of heaven is falling all around me
And I am drowning in the mystery of Your love
All the universe can’t contain Your beauty
But You come alive in me
You come alive
I’m not flying on angel wings
I’m not swinging from no tree
I got love and hate and the will to change
And choose
I have a smile that You gave me
You have a love that I need
When I’m down, You know just how
To lift my mood
You bring me to life
Yeah it feels just like
I’ve been born again
For the first time, for the first time
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Its summer time!
So, summer is officially here. I have moved back home. All but one box is unpacked and put away. I am a college graduate. But, it doesn't feel like I am. I am not sure when it will finally hit me. Some people say it will hit when I don't go back to Toccoa in August. I am sure it will! Everything happened so fast I didn't even have time to process it or to cry. I also didn't get to say good bye to everyone!
The last week at Toccoa was really good. Meredith came back on Tuesday. Me, Heather, Danny, Jonathan and Meredith all had a movie night and watched Taken. It was a good night!
On Wednesday me and Jonathan went on our last college date. It was a very interesting experience to say the least. It was kind of cold that day. It only got to the upper 60s. I had been wanting to go to Sliding Rock in Tallulah Gorge for a while. Since we were graduating we decided to finally go out there. No one tells you though what all that involves. I figured it would be like all of our other hikes: fairly easy and short. I was wrong. We took a picnic and sat on a blanket overlooking the gorge while we ate. It was really pretty and fun. If you don't know anything about Tallulah Gorge here is a rundown: to get down into the gorge you have to climb down 600 stairs. It's a long way down and it is very exhausting if you aren't used to climbing that many stairs. We went inside the building because we had to get a permit pass to be able to go to sliding rock. Well, when we get to the desk the woman told us we couldn't go down into the gorge with flip flops on (Jonathan had worn flip flops). Unfortunately she didn't tell us this when we called the day before to found out what all we needed to do to be able to hike to Sliding Rock.
So, we are standing there and I was very upset. I didn't want to go all the way back to Toccoa to get Jonathan's shoes. WE had to be somewhere that night and it is a 20 minute drive there and then 20 minutes back to the Gorge. I also didn't want to drive back the next day. So, instead I remembered there was a thrift store right up the road, so me and Jonathan got back into the car and headed there. We found these nasty old shoes and socks and bought them for three bucks. It was so gross but it saved us a lot of time and even some money! When we went back to get the permit the ladies were laughing at us!
Finally we were able to hike down to Sliding Rock. However, after about 300 stairs my legs were telling me they didn't want to go any further. And they still had 300 more to go. We made it down to the bottom and then had to cross over the river hopping from one big rock to the next. IT was funny. At one point we had to toss our shoes, wade across and then take turns tossing the back pack to each other. No one told us how long and treacherous of a hike it was. I was praying almost the entire time that Jonathan wouldn't kill himself with his cheap shoes on! It was a good opportunity to practice working well together in tough situations. It turned out well. After hiking for about a mile and a half across tons of huge scary rocks (at one point we had to crawl) we made it to Sliding Rock. We also saw a snake on the way over too!
Sliding rock was interesting. It is a huge natural water slide. The water was probably about 50 degrees though since it was overcast outside. When we got in to slide down we didn't realize that there were TONS of leeches in the water. So, we slid down into the water. We both had a really hard time swimming against the current to get ourselves back up on the shore. When we got out of the water we realized we both had leeches all over our bodies. I never realized how painful those things were to have one you. Within about five seconds they start making you itch like crazy. It was horrible. Like I said before, we had to be at a cookout that night so we only got to slide down the rock three times. I have to say though, that was enough for me because each time I slid down I accumulated more leeches on my skin. It took us about twenty minutes to pick all of them off of ourselves.
So, after that fiasco we still had to turn back and hike the mile or so back to the bottom of the gorge, then we had to make it back up 600 stairs. Going up was even harder then going down!
It was exhausting. That night we had our last get together at our professors house where we watch LOST. He was so sweet. We had a cookout and they made us a graduation cake! It was a really good time! I am really going to miss going over to his house with my friends to watch the show.
Thursday was pretty busy as well. Amber, Sam and Meredith all came over to Wildwood and we had a spend the night party! It was fun! We watched a movie and talked a lot! It was so good to catch up with them! That is one of the hardest parts about graduating. I won't get to see them much anymore. Amber is moving to France and Sam is going to Barbados. Growing up is not fun in that way! YOu have to move away from everyone.
Friday they made us get up SUPER early to practice for graduation. I was a grouch. They were WAY too detailed. Practice lasted 2 hours. My room mate had her wedding shower that afternoon. It was fun. I also went to see the waterfall for the last time. SAD! I did some packing. That night we all played spoons together. I hadn't played that game in a while. We switched it up so that whoever dealt the cards could make up their own rules and put the spoons wherever they wanted to put them. We ended up having them outside in the bushes, taped to the ceiling, in the freezer, under couch cushions, etc...It definitely made the game more dangerous but it was fun!
Graduation day happened so fast it is kind of a blur. Graduation itself was long and boring. It seemed so unreal. My parents, siblings and grandparents and aunt came up! It was really good to see them. It was raining though so it was kind of a chaotic morning. We ate lunch at Isabelles on the gorge. It was really yummy! I spent the rest of the afternoon packing and cleaning the house. It was sad driving away from Toccoa knowing I wouldn't go back!
Now I am home and I still haven't been able to process the fact that college is over. There were so many people I didn't say good bye to! There are so many things I will miss. But, I am still glad I have accomplished college and gotten it out of the way! I am one step closer to the mission field. That also feels weird!
Here are some pictures from Sliding Rock and graduation! Enjoy!
The last week at Toccoa was really good. Meredith came back on Tuesday. Me, Heather, Danny, Jonathan and Meredith all had a movie night and watched Taken. It was a good night!
On Wednesday me and Jonathan went on our last college date. It was a very interesting experience to say the least. It was kind of cold that day. It only got to the upper 60s. I had been wanting to go to Sliding Rock in Tallulah Gorge for a while. Since we were graduating we decided to finally go out there. No one tells you though what all that involves. I figured it would be like all of our other hikes: fairly easy and short. I was wrong. We took a picnic and sat on a blanket overlooking the gorge while we ate. It was really pretty and fun. If you don't know anything about Tallulah Gorge here is a rundown: to get down into the gorge you have to climb down 600 stairs. It's a long way down and it is very exhausting if you aren't used to climbing that many stairs. We went inside the building because we had to get a permit pass to be able to go to sliding rock. Well, when we get to the desk the woman told us we couldn't go down into the gorge with flip flops on (Jonathan had worn flip flops). Unfortunately she didn't tell us this when we called the day before to found out what all we needed to do to be able to hike to Sliding Rock.
So, we are standing there and I was very upset. I didn't want to go all the way back to Toccoa to get Jonathan's shoes. WE had to be somewhere that night and it is a 20 minute drive there and then 20 minutes back to the Gorge. I also didn't want to drive back the next day. So, instead I remembered there was a thrift store right up the road, so me and Jonathan got back into the car and headed there. We found these nasty old shoes and socks and bought them for three bucks. It was so gross but it saved us a lot of time and even some money! When we went back to get the permit the ladies were laughing at us!
Finally we were able to hike down to Sliding Rock. However, after about 300 stairs my legs were telling me they didn't want to go any further. And they still had 300 more to go. We made it down to the bottom and then had to cross over the river hopping from one big rock to the next. IT was funny. At one point we had to toss our shoes, wade across and then take turns tossing the back pack to each other. No one told us how long and treacherous of a hike it was. I was praying almost the entire time that Jonathan wouldn't kill himself with his cheap shoes on! It was a good opportunity to practice working well together in tough situations. It turned out well. After hiking for about a mile and a half across tons of huge scary rocks (at one point we had to crawl) we made it to Sliding Rock. We also saw a snake on the way over too!
Sliding rock was interesting. It is a huge natural water slide. The water was probably about 50 degrees though since it was overcast outside. When we got in to slide down we didn't realize that there were TONS of leeches in the water. So, we slid down into the water. We both had a really hard time swimming against the current to get ourselves back up on the shore. When we got out of the water we realized we both had leeches all over our bodies. I never realized how painful those things were to have one you. Within about five seconds they start making you itch like crazy. It was horrible. Like I said before, we had to be at a cookout that night so we only got to slide down the rock three times. I have to say though, that was enough for me because each time I slid down I accumulated more leeches on my skin. It took us about twenty minutes to pick all of them off of ourselves.
So, after that fiasco we still had to turn back and hike the mile or so back to the bottom of the gorge, then we had to make it back up 600 stairs. Going up was even harder then going down!
It was exhausting. That night we had our last get together at our professors house where we watch LOST. He was so sweet. We had a cookout and they made us a graduation cake! It was a really good time! I am really going to miss going over to his house with my friends to watch the show.
Thursday was pretty busy as well. Amber, Sam and Meredith all came over to Wildwood and we had a spend the night party! It was fun! We watched a movie and talked a lot! It was so good to catch up with them! That is one of the hardest parts about graduating. I won't get to see them much anymore. Amber is moving to France and Sam is going to Barbados. Growing up is not fun in that way! YOu have to move away from everyone.
Friday they made us get up SUPER early to practice for graduation. I was a grouch. They were WAY too detailed. Practice lasted 2 hours. My room mate had her wedding shower that afternoon. It was fun. I also went to see the waterfall for the last time. SAD! I did some packing. That night we all played spoons together. I hadn't played that game in a while. We switched it up so that whoever dealt the cards could make up their own rules and put the spoons wherever they wanted to put them. We ended up having them outside in the bushes, taped to the ceiling, in the freezer, under couch cushions, etc...It definitely made the game more dangerous but it was fun!
Graduation day happened so fast it is kind of a blur. Graduation itself was long and boring. It seemed so unreal. My parents, siblings and grandparents and aunt came up! It was really good to see them. It was raining though so it was kind of a chaotic morning. We ate lunch at Isabelles on the gorge. It was really yummy! I spent the rest of the afternoon packing and cleaning the house. It was sad driving away from Toccoa knowing I wouldn't go back!
Now I am home and I still haven't been able to process the fact that college is over. There were so many people I didn't say good bye to! There are so many things I will miss. But, I am still glad I have accomplished college and gotten it out of the way! I am one step closer to the mission field. That also feels weird!
Here are some pictures from Sliding Rock and graduation! Enjoy!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
The End of the Year
It's the end of the school year and I can tell, like any other year of college I am more than ready for summer. I don't think it really hit yet that I am not coming back. I think I am just so ready to be done with all this work all the time that I can't even sit back and really let it settle in. My theory is it will hit when I move into seminary.
You know how you get to the end of something and everything you MEANT to do but haven't done yet comes to mind? There are so many things I meant to do while I was at Toccoa but never got around to doing. Everyday I have tried to do something I have never done no matter how small. On Sunday night I went to the Paul Anderson Park and I've always wanted to climb up there with Paul himself. But, I was too much a chicken. So, I just asked Jonathan to do it and watched while he did it. I don't think you are technically supposed to. It's not one of those things where there is a sign telling you not to. It's just one of those things you know wouldn't be a good idea if someone who cared drove by and saw it.
Last night Jonathan and I went and threw the baseball on the baseball field at the highschool. Jonathan somehow managed to throw the baseball at my foot going about 30 miles an hour. It hit my big toe. It hurt pretty bad! I honestly think though if I had kept up with softball I could be pretty good at this point in my life. I know my family is laughing at that considering how horrible I was when I played. But, really, I think if I played now I would be decent. It just may be my sport! Lol. I know it isn't bowling, golf or basketball!
Last night I also cooked my last meal for my house. It was our last dinner all together. It was kind of sad! We have had some good times around the dinner table.
Today Meredith is coming back so we are going to hang out. I only have one more final tomorrow. IT's my voice final so I just need to practice my music.
At some point I need to begin packing but I just don't want to yet!
Graduation is coming up fast and I can't believe it! It doesn't seem real to me.
The missions majors ever year walk across the stage barefoot. It is to represent the verse that says,"How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news". We want to show off our beautiful feet I guess. But, I have to say, I am really excited about this tradition because it means I can do one of my favorite things: go barefoot. Normally something like that would be seen as informal. But, not for missions majors. Thank goodness I can avoid worrying about tripping as I walk across the stage in high heels.
You know how you get to the end of something and everything you MEANT to do but haven't done yet comes to mind? There are so many things I meant to do while I was at Toccoa but never got around to doing. Everyday I have tried to do something I have never done no matter how small. On Sunday night I went to the Paul Anderson Park and I've always wanted to climb up there with Paul himself. But, I was too much a chicken. So, I just asked Jonathan to do it and watched while he did it. I don't think you are technically supposed to. It's not one of those things where there is a sign telling you not to. It's just one of those things you know wouldn't be a good idea if someone who cared drove by and saw it.
Last night Jonathan and I went and threw the baseball on the baseball field at the highschool. Jonathan somehow managed to throw the baseball at my foot going about 30 miles an hour. It hit my big toe. It hurt pretty bad! I honestly think though if I had kept up with softball I could be pretty good at this point in my life. I know my family is laughing at that considering how horrible I was when I played. But, really, I think if I played now I would be decent. It just may be my sport! Lol. I know it isn't bowling, golf or basketball!
Last night I also cooked my last meal for my house. It was our last dinner all together. It was kind of sad! We have had some good times around the dinner table.
Today Meredith is coming back so we are going to hang out. I only have one more final tomorrow. IT's my voice final so I just need to practice my music.
At some point I need to begin packing but I just don't want to yet!
Graduation is coming up fast and I can't believe it! It doesn't seem real to me.
The missions majors ever year walk across the stage barefoot. It is to represent the verse that says,"How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news". We want to show off our beautiful feet I guess. But, I have to say, I am really excited about this tradition because it means I can do one of my favorite things: go barefoot. Normally something like that would be seen as informal. But, not for missions majors. Thank goodness I can avoid worrying about tripping as I walk across the stage in high heels.
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