Having Deep Roots

Life is good. It's easier to say that without tons of papers to write, endless mounds of homework, and little sleep. I am definitely enjoying my Christmas break. The Christmas season left me so busy I barely had time to update my blog. In fact, I didn't update my blog.

I am really enjoying my time at home. I have done lots of things since being home, which include:
1. Celebrating Christmas with Jonathan. I took him to see the Christmas lights at the Opryland Hotel. If you have never been, you really should go. IT's free to look at the lights, and it is MAGNIFICENT (I am so glad girls can use such words without being looked on as "gay"...I would hate being a guy! Lol). We also went to this thing called "ICE!" It is hard to explain. But, it is this building which tells the story of Dr.Seuss' "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" with ice sculptures. It was six degress in the rooms and they past out parkas. They had ice slides and cute little Suess characters. I really loved it, though we couldn't stay in there for long because of the freezing temperatures!
2. I opened presents with my immediate family in Ringgold. It was great to spend time with my ENTIRE family together. It doesn't happen often. It is one of the reasons I love Christmas so much. I just get to enjoy my family's presence.
3. We made a weeklong trip to Mississippi. I honestly can't remember the last time we stayed in Mississippi for an entire week. I really enjoyed it though because I get to see my Aunts/Uncles, grandparents and cousins about twice a year. I have three new adorable cousins I got to spend time with. I ate way too much of my Gran's amazing milkshakes, cookies, biscuits, steaks, etc...I was fed way too much. It wouldn't be Christmas in our family without tons of yummy food around for us to devour. I feel I am growing up a bit. Because, as we were headed to the back room this year to open presents I realized I wasn't in a rush to rip through my presents. I honestly enjoyed to watching everyone open and enjoy their own presents. I love all of us being in the same room and just talking. I guess that makes me a boring adult, doesn't it? God blessed me more than I deserved this Christmas. I couldn't have asked for a better Christmas. I didn't need even one more present. I loved everything I got. I feel so incredibly blessed with all I recieved and all I have. I completely content. And, I want to learn how to be more content inw hatever circumstances, no matter what i have in my possession. I feel really lucky to have a God that brought me "peace on earth" in the midst of this crazy world. ANd, I look around often and wonder where I would be without Him. I would have no hope!

I love traditions and my family has lots of them! I love singing around the piano on Christmas Eve and taking our family portrait. It is a lot of fun. I love sleeping in the den with all the kids and being so hyper we can't get to sleep. I know, I am a really cheesy person.

This Christmas I experienced a little bit of a delayed culture shock. Or maybe that isn't what they call it. But, as I opened my presents my mind kept going back to each little precious face I saw in the Philippines. And, it was hard for me at times. I felt so seflish. I have so much. THey have so little. And, it was hard for me at times. Today I have missed the Philippines a whole lot! It doesn't hit me as much as it used to. But, every once in a while I will have one of those days, where I just want to cry. I just really want to hold MJ again. And see that little girl smile. And, I would love to go sit at that table with all those precious little girls and eat a meal with their mismatched plates and cups. I wonder sometimes when they won't be so close in my heart that it hurts sometimes.

This Christmas went by so fast. It was definitely running on American clocks. It was rushed. And, I felt like it zoomed past me before I could truly enjoy it. Not to mention the weather was so hot it didn't even feel like December. I really am waiting for that White Christmas.

God has taught me a lot in this past year. And, I hope I continue to let Him in 2009. He spoke to me a lot this past week and today. I have gotten a chance to do some fun reading over the break. So far I have only read two books, both fiction. I have missed good fiction novels. And, I had two goals over the break: to read at least give good fiction novels and to apply for seminary. I have two books down, three to go. And I still have to apply to seminary!

My first realization (I won't really call it a lesson) came this past week. From a silly fiction novel. lol. Go figure. But, it was written by a christian man and there were a lot of Christian elements in the novel. In the book there is a girl who is a missionary. And she writes this poem (and it took me the entire 300 pages to figure out what she meant) about her roots growing deep in the jungles of Ecuador (where she was a missionary). And, finally at the end of the book it dawned on me, and suddenly I could relate very well. We, as christians, can be compared to a tree. We are somewhat like trees, and as we grow our roots get deeper and deeper into God's soil. And we get watered by God's word and we seek Him we grow. Our roots grow deep and they make us into a stronger tree. It's kind of cheesy. But, I realize I have had very weak roots here in America. And, I thought to my time in the Philippines and how I feel like I grew more in my three months there than I had at any one single time in my life. I believe it is because when I am out of my comfort zone I do more for Christ. I have to depend on him more, I seek Him more furiously, and take Him more seriously. It's a good thing I am going to be a missionary. BEcause I believe my roots grow deeply overseas. In America I am full of complacency and I am just comfortable in my surrounding. I honestly feel like Christians are more useable for Christ when they are out of their circle of knowledge and familiarity. I know that is true in my life. I am not very useful for Christ on American soil. My roots are very shallow. I get into the American mind and I am so "on the clock" and in a rush that I fail miserably at keeping my priorities in line. I also get comfortable and complacent. I want my roots to grow deep for Christ.

The second and last thing God showed me this morning. The sermond was being preached out of Philippians 3. It is the chapter you always hear about running the race with perseverence. I've heard it so many times it is hard for me to feel like I can learn something new. And, today was the typical end of the year sermon about setting goals for 2009. However, God did use a typical sermon to speak to me. He also showed me Philippians 3:16 more closely, which says: "Only let us live up to what we have already attained." It was in this that God spoke to me about how I have a tendency to become so close with HIm. At times I seek Christ with incredible fierceness, as if there is no tomorrow. Sometimes I am willing to give up so much for Him. ANd other times I let things choke him out of my life almost completely. And, I realized there have been times in my life when I have been super close to Christ. ANd, other times when I will regress and not be as close to Him. I have a tendency sometimes to not live up to what I hve already attained in Christ. What a shame. it is God's desire that we not only consistently live up to the maturity we have already attained in him, but to keep growing. I allow myself all too often to live below what I have once attained. I Hope that makes sense. I want to live by this verse in 2009. I not only want to maintain what I have already attained, but soar past it! I wish you the same!

This week I have the wedding of a friend to attend. IT is a three day thing. So, I will be gone most of the week. I feel too young to have friends getting married!
HEre are some pictures from the last few weeks since this post is getting WAY TOO LONG! I am sure everyone is skimming at this point.

Since Then...

Since I last wrote a lot has happened. The semester has been so busy I haven't bothered to keep my blog up to date. I went to the Christmas Banquet. Jonathan was my date but we went with all the girls in my house. It was a lot of fun. But, not because of the banquet (that was kind of lame) but, because of the people I was with. It was in Greenville, South Carolina. I had no idea how cute Greenvile was until I went there! I love it! IT was all decorated for Christmas. Me, Jon and MEredih got a caricature of ourselves. We also went to The Underground. It was a really neat coffee shop that was underneath a big building downtown. They had an Indian theme and booths. They waited on you. I have never been to a coffee shop like it! We just stayed there after the banquet playing Uno and other card games. It was fun.

The next week I only had one day of classes and then got to go home for Thanksgiving. I really needed the break from school! It was a nice time to relax and just be with family. Of course we had way too much food. It was really good to see family. I hadn't seen my grandparents or aunt since May. It seemed like it had been longer though. And, it was really weird to think I hadn't seen them since going away to the Philippines. Time goes by so fast! We fried a HUGE turkey this year. All the girls also worked on making Christmas decorations. We made cute trees out of candy and also decorated gingerbread houses. Gingerbread houses are one of my favorite traditions of Christmas. Saturday of that weekend we went down to Cartersville to a Christmas tree farm to pick out our tree. The one we went to this year was located on several acres of land. They had decorated all of the trees with christmas lights. But, I have to say, they decorated it in such a manner that it looked a little redneck. It was raining that night and it was dark. So, we went pretty fast when picking out a tree. They also had a barn with several animals that you could feed. They had a huge camel, goats, and reindeer. It was really funny feeding them. We took our tree back and decorated it that ngiht. I think it is the prettiest christmas tree we have ever had. I like it a lot!

The last week and a half of school was really busy for me. This whole semester was my busiest semester yet. I didn't feel like I had much free time. I read the entire Koran and also about 300 pages of several other religious writings. I also had to write my 50 page senior paper. With that, other homework assignments, class and cooking for my housemates once a week I was bogged down. I feel a little bit like it ran me through the ground. Thank goodness it it Christmas break and I have a chance to breath and get rested up for my last semester. It feels weird to say it is my last semester of college coming up! WOW! Life goes by so fast sometimes.

Christmas is my favorite time of year. I always get excited around the holidays. I have to admit: I really love christmas lights, decorations, christmas movies, music, etc...For some reason this year, more than ever I have been filled with a sense of excitement about Christ's birth! I guess with the world around us changing so much and becoming more unstable I am encouraged more in my spirit to see that christ came to us. He is with us always. I am so thankful He came. Because it makes my life so different. IT changes everything for me.

This past week Jonathan took me to Lake Lanier to see all the Christmas lights. IT was really beautiful! I liked it a lot! Only a week left and Christmas will be here. I will be going to Mississippi for Christmas this year! That is really exciting!

Here are some pictures from the past few weeks:

Pictures do the body good!!!

Last week was a really busy week. I didn't really get to update this thing. Plus, there is not much to tell. My life generally consists of homework, sleep, eating, and working out.

This next week is really busy and I have about six things due on Wednesday. It is really going to be a busy first part of the week. But, once I get past wednesday I won't really have anything the rest of the semester. So, I am excited about that. I am ready for this one to be over.

I got to go home this past weekend for my mom's birthday! I was glad I got a chance to go. And, though it was really busy and flew by, it was still good! I just have to wonder if my mom even feels like her birthday was celebrated it went so fast!

About a month and a half ago, I sent a package to the girls back at the orphanage I worked at this summer. It had a card, some pictures, and a playdo kit in it. I kept wondering if it would make it there because it was taking so long. Finally, I recieved word on Friday they had recieved it. I was so glad! only, the workers said they had never seen play do before so they weren't sure what to do with it. So, I had to send back an email with instructions on how to use Play Do! It was so cute! I also got pictures (which I wasn't expecting) of the girls playing with it and looking at the card I sent! I really missed the girls this week! So, it was AMAZING to see the pictures! They are so cute! I really miss them!

Here I am, at the end of the semester, with only about 3 weeks left till exams. I am ready for the work to be over. I am tired of my classes and all the busy work they make me do. I would much rather write a paper for a class than read an endlessly long book that was written back in the 1960s and needs to be updated in it's content.

The day when I can ready whatever I want to again for my own pleasure will be a nice one! This past week was pretty uneventful. I just did a lot of homework. I got a lot done! Which was nice. I also got to see The Secret Life of Bees on Monday night. It was really good! I cried about ten times!

I haven't had a chance to add pictures on here of vacation, so I will add some.

Here they are:

Marco Island...

This past week was a good break from the norm. I had a really horrible week in between Fall Break and the week I just had. I didn't want to be at school AT ALL! So, this week came just in time.

My parents let me go on vacation with them to Marco Island, FL this past week. I had to miss a week of classes, however, it didn't really matter. Half of them were cancelled and I just dropped one. I decided to drop my music minor. It was an emotional and hard week. But, it worked out alright.

We decided to fly out of Atlanta to go to Marco Island. We got there on Monday. We stayed at the Marriott Resort. It was AMAZING! There were tons of palm trees, two pools, a gorgeous beach, etc... One of the pools was even heated. I spent most of my time laying out trying to get some sun while I read the Koran. lol. I have to say that doing homework on the beach is a lot more amazing than doing it in Wildwood. I actually don't mind doing homework when I have the sound of waves in the background and sun on my skin. though I didn't quite get a tan like I wanted, I got to see the beach and enjoy warm weather again. It had been getting pretty cold back in Toccoa.

We also got to go on several boat trips. One was a speed boat through the everglades. It was a LOT of fun. It went really fast. And the Mangroves were really beautiful. I really enjoyed it. We also got to go on a sailboat out to this deserted part of the island and collect sea shells. Since no one is ever there, we got lots of amazing and huge shells. I also got six Sand Dollars. Which, never happens. It was a good experience. And we even got to see dolphins. That was fun!

There were lots of other random things we did and of course we did our fair share of eating.

It was really relaxing and I was reluctant to leave today to go back to the stressful life of school. God knew what He was doing, I seriously needed out of Toccoa for a while after the week I had.

Only three more weeks till Thanksgiving though!!!

I will add some pictures later though. I have some pretty ones! Right now I am just waiting on my flight back to Atlanta and not looking forward to waking up super early in the morning.

I had a friend call me this past week telling me that a mutual friend of ours was getting a divorce. After only being married a year, she decided she was in love with someone else. This saddened my heart as it reminded me of how our culture so often views love these days. Instead of viewing it as a commitment, or something we must choose to do for the sake of ourselves and the other person, we more than often view it as something selfish, as a feeling. So many people decide to quit when they end up not feeling the love any more. Instead of deciding at that point that they will choose to love this person regardless.

I think as I have gotten older love has taken on such a different form for me than it used to. No longer is it a perfect painting of cinderella, prince charming and a beautiful dress. But, it is now less glamorous. It is something that involves choice. It is something that is hard to do unconditionally. It means giving constantly of yourself, even when it hurts. It means giving up your own desires for the sake of another. And, it is even harder to find someone who will love you like this than to love someone in this way.

It gets complicated when you factor in whether or not people should be accepted for who they are now, with expectation of them changing some things, or if you shouldn't settle till you find Mr.Perfect.

So often I have stood by and watched some people be loved in a way that would seem perfect. Someone who cares about everything they are and cares enough about them to deal with their imperfections and learn what makes them thrive and why. It is the job of the lover, in my opinoin to make the other thrive. But, how often do you see people who make each other do this? Most of the time it is clouded over with focus on what YOU want. So often it becomes about what YOU think is worthy of being upset about or not instead of caring about the other person unconditionally,even when you don't understand it.

Unfortunately, we will never reach the perfection side of love until we get to heaven. But, how beautiful of a thing it is to love someone as best you can and try with all your heart to make them happy. Some people can do this because they refuse to give up their own ideas or selfish desires. Others simply don't wnat this because it is less convenient. How special it is when you do this yourself and find someone who is willing to do this for you.

It is a rare find in this day and age. People too quickly give up. People get easily angered, don't want to understand and do not try. This is the picture of what "love" is in our society. Let's not even call it "love". BEcause, it is most often based only on how one feels. That is why you get people who will be in love with someone one day, and the next they decide they are in "love" with someone else. I would venture to say none of it is love. It's just lust. Seeing something you want, using it until your through and then kicking it to the curb. I saw a lovely quote the other day, which I find to be very true:

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

I wish that people would take love more seriously. I thought of my friends wife today when I heard a song by Sanctus REal, and I wanted to share it. I think my favorite part is when it states, "Another casualty of casual love. Another soul out of place, a heart that gave up. Why do we break the promises we make?Are we living for ourselves?"




"Don't Give Up"

I heard you say you would love for a lifetime
Now you complain a lifetime just doesn't feel right for you
Another casualty of casual love
Another soul out of place, a heart that gave up

Why do we break the promises we make?
Are we living for ourselves?

[Chorus:]
Don't give up on love and throw it all away
Don't give up on love and let it fall away
When did it become so easy to run from your pain
Don't give up on love and throw it all away

I heard you say you can't change a stubborn heart
I can relate 'cause that's how I feel when I talk with you

Why should it take losing everything
to realize it might be time to change?

[Chorus:]

Your restless heart won't win 'cause you take but you don't give
And you'll keep moving on until you learn what love is

Don't give up on love and throw it all away
Don't give up on love and let it fall away
Don't give up on love

Not So Nuts About This Week...

Last Friday-Tuesday was Fall Break. And, it was a much needed break for me. I didn't realize how much I needed a break until I got home. I guess sometimes I don't realized how stressed out I have been until I take the time to relax. But, getting back from Fall Break has kicked me in the butt. I had a couple days to relax, only for it all to be ruined the very second I got back to school! Thank goodness I am leaving again next week for a vacation. I am going to have to work my butt of today and this weekend so that I can enjoy my time in Florida.

The only upside to this week that has brought a smile to my face was dressing Jonathan up as a squirrel. Toccoa has a tradition called "Tag Week". It is like our "christian" version of a Sadie Hawkins Dance. Since dancing is "bad" in the christian realm, we obviously don't have a dance at the end of the week. But, what you do is this: a girl will tag a guy with a costume that he has to wear for the entire week. Because you tag this person, they officially have to be your date for the Hay Ride. So, you get to humiliate the guy for a week with a ridiculous costume and then he has to be your date for the Hay Ride on the following Saturday. It's kind of fun. I have never really participated. Mainly because I never quite had enough time to get something together before the time came around. Luckily, this year I got to tag Jonathan. So, it's been funny watching him walk around like a squirrel all week long. I even made him an acorn to wear around his neck that says, "I'm nuts about Jessica Horton".

This week is really stressful for me. I have had a lot going on. In fact, I really don't even have time to write this. I will share some pictures of Jonathan dressed up and I will finish updating some other time! THis is for all of you who wanted to see these:

It's A Slow Fade

Yesterday was an interesting day for me. I have a couple of moments where a situation really got my attention and God really spoke to me clearly. I don't always have days like that. So, I am sharing.

It all started when I was SUPER tired. I ended up falling asleep in my voice lesson about four times. It was pretty embarassing and pathetic. Luckily my voice teacher was understanding. I have been super tired this week! Anyways...I was sitting in my next class extra tired and was in physical pain. I decided the worst thing for me at that moment was having to sit still for 50 minutes because I couldn't focus on what we were learning because I was in so much pain. Anyways, my tiredness also led to thoughts in my head that made absolutely no sense. Sometimes I will be taking notes in class and will get really tired. When I finally jerk myself back awake I will look down out my paper to see that I have written something crazy in the middle of my notes like,"I need to go to the pickle house" (I think that was my most recent wierd one) haha. Anyways, yesterday the weird thoughts were simply running through my head when all the sudden a random phrase popped into my head in the midst of it. ANd it caught my attention I guess because I was appauled that I would even think it. Suddenly I had to ask myself why that would even pop into my head. ANd, instantly as I asked myself this question, a movie that I own popped into my head. And, I realized that phrase is in the movie quite a bit. Obviously, when I am more coherant things like this don't pop into my head. But, I guess when your brain is tired just random things come into your head. It was at this moment that I realized that some things have more an affect on me than I realize. Because if you put certain things into your head they will stay there. Lets face it: our brains are scary places. They are capable of recalling and remembering millions of pieces of information at a time. So, when you put something in there your brain automatically stores it somewhere. The point I am getting at is that I always thought that some things didn't really affect me. And, that was one of those things that I didn't think really did anything. However, yesterday my brain proved me wrong. It obviously affects me more than I ever thought.

Because of this event I started dwelling on Christ, and his holiness. I was struck for the first time in a long time with the reality of it all. He is so holy. And I am so unholy. He lives in me. Sometimes I dont' dwell on Him as a holy, jealous God. But, when you get down to it that is what we should think of Him as more often. It would help us to live a more holy life if we were to realize how offensive it is for Him when we sin. I had that epiphany become even more reality when I realized I was discussing with a friend the principle of Matthew 18 and 1 Corinthians 5. We were discussing how we were supposed to go about carrying out rebuke. You know the chapter about bringing a brother's sins out into the open. I was asking how far tht priniciple was suppposed to penetrate our lives. I thought back over times when I had straight up rebuked friends of mine for their habitual sin as christians. ANd when they didn't change I eventually stopped associating with them. My thoughts were on whether or not that was the right thing to do. But then I thought of how Holy christ is again. ANd I thought about how He is so holy He does not want sin anywhere near Him. He will not associate himself with Sin. He cannot do so. IT is against everything He is. And I thought about people who claim the name of Christ yet with their actions they completely demolish and spit on everything that God stands for. It led me to think about how if God is so holy He does not want to even associate with sin, does that mean that because he is in us he does not want us to associate with sin either? Even to take it a step further and to say God does not want us to associate with those who are completely living against Who He is and living in sin? I believe the answer is No, he does not want us anywhere near sin or near those who are habitually living in sin but are claiming the name of Christ.

For once in my life, I felt like I caught a glimpse of the holiness of God. And, part of it scared me and left me in fear of Him and living against His character with my life. Something to take more seriously, I think. Making sure we are not allowing things in our life that snuff out who God can be in our lives is important. It is pretty easy to slowly let "little things" in until we are so far away from where we should be. And it is also easy to allow things in that we don't think are harming us any (like I did). I believe God takes it very seriously when people are claiming His name but are completely destroying His holiness by what they do in their lives. We should take Christ's holiness so seriously we don't want anything to do with this!

Another thing from yesterday happened last night. Me and Jonathan headed up to Clemson in South Carolina for their swing dance night. Jonathan had a homework assignment for apologetics where he had to conduct an interview with someone who considered themselves something other than a christian. After walking around scoping out the options we approached two people on a bench. We ended up scaring the guy making him think we wanted to (in his words) "jump him". lol. It was funny. ANd turns out he is "southern baptist". Finally went entered the bowling alley and saw an indian guy. We decided to try that out. Luckily, he said yes so we sat down to talk to him. Of course Jonathan did all of the talking unless I got too excited and wanted to toss something in there or help Jonathan clarify something. But, I am currently taking a world religions class. We just got done studying Hinduism. I had never known much about Hinduism, but it is a CRAZY religion in so many ways. Turns out, this guy was a Hindu. From him answering Jonathan's questions I could tell "hindu" was more of a name and tradition in his family for him than something he took seriously. But, he had some screwed up beliefs. And, it was exciting for me knowing some of what he was referring to since I had just studied it. I got to ask him like two questions: 1. Where he was in he caste system in India (which I thought was fascinating) 2. What Hindu gods he worshipped. Since I could actually name some.

HE had just come to the United States in August and he had left his whole family and everything he knew. He was really nice. ANd unfortunately we didn't really talk much about what we believed in relation to him because he had to go play ping pong with his buddies. But, Jonathan did get his email address and such. So, just pray for him and Jonathan as he stays in contact with him. I guess this wasn't really an "epiphany" except it was an eyeopener. Sitting there across the table from someone who believed something SO DIFFERENT from me! And hearing about his beliefs fascinated me. I love talking to people and finding out what they think about life. And if I know about their religion and know what to ask it is even more exciting for me! I just love talking to people about important things! It made me excited for the future. But, it also broke my heart. And it made me realize how much I didn't want to get up and leave him playing ping pong when I knew he was going to hell when he died. It weighs heavily on my heart knowing that I have the answer to life's biggest question. And to see someone who seemed so confused about life. ANd to know that there was emptiness in what He was living out. It was so hard to live him there. My heart breaks for him. ANd, part of me was so sad that I didn't go to a university. Knowing that reaching out to international students is a HUGE way to share the gospel. It is the only time you will hve an opportunity to reach out to people from several different countries at the same time in our own culture. And the door is wide open because they are vulnerable: in a new culture, alone, without those they love, looking for someone to care. I was jealous last night for those who get that opportunity on a college campus everyday!

And, Swing dancing was of course fun!

I would like to close with these bible verses who speak to how serious God is about allowing in into our lives:

"Woe to the world because of its stumbling blocks! For it is inevitable that stumbling blocks come; but woe to that man through whom stumbling blocks come!If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it fromyou; it is better for you to enter life crippled or lame, than to have two hands or two feet and be cst into the ternal fire. If your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out and throw it from you. IT is beter for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be cast into the fiery hell." (Matthew 18:7-9)

Don't Just Be Here, LIVE!!!!

Life has been crazy lately. But, I guess I didn't expect any different. It is weird how fast this year is already going by! Before I know it I will be graduated and onto the next stage of life. I don't really love thinking about the future. IT is always a little scary to me. In some ways I am ready to move on from Toccoa. I get so bored and sick of doing the same routine all the time. However, when everything in your life changes it is always a hard adjustment. It took me two years to like Toccoa. I am hoping the next phase will be a little easier and quicker to adjust to. I was thinking back on my life recently and realizing that the first 18 years of my life were pretty consistent. They were spent in mainly one place with the same people. And I realized how much I loved it. But, for some reason I get bored with the same routine quickly these days.

I am struggling through my music classes. Which makes me hate them even more. I have had to get tutoring. I have done all I can (in my opinion) to do well in those classes and I am still crashing and burning. I feel a little like a failure in that area. Last week was a week of being sad, sick and discouraged all in one.

At the beginning of last week I found out a guy I used to go running with freshman year was robbed and murdered in front of his wife. He was my age. Even though we weren't the best of friends or even close it still was sad. It seems life has been teaching me often lately how fragile it is and how at any moment it could be taken from me. But one of the hardest things for me to figure out is how to REALLY live RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW when life seems so mundane and boring. Anytime something truly tragic happens it makes you question God some. Especially when I realize a lot of the people he has taken in my life seem like some of the most amazing people I have ever met! But, something Nick used to say is "Don't just be here, live!" And I believe that is a challenge to all of us. To learn how to not just exist and be here, but to truly live life to the fullest. That is a challenge. Especially when you are living in the monotony of everyday life.

Being sick hasn't been fun. Especially with all of the work I've had to do! I am at the stage in the semester when I feel as if I cannot give 100% to any one thing and that frustrates me so much!

Oh yeah, I also got to go eat a Hmong meal with PJ, Kim and Khou this week! That was a lot of fun! I miss those girls A LOT!


This past weekend was a good break from all of the craziness. And I finally got a chance to rest. It was homecoming and three of the girls in my house were nominated for the court. So, on Friday night I went and watched them. I also went to McDonalds with a group of friends and hung out and then came back and played Catch Phrase and Apples to Apples. On Saturday I slept in until 12:00. And I cooked lunch for me and Jonathan. We spent the afternoon carving pumpkins and then roasting the leftovers seeds! It was a lot of fun! Saturday night was the homecoming concert. It was pretty amusing. I wasn't feeling well at all on Saturday. SO really didn't feel like sitting through a concert. But, it turned out to be pretty funny.

Sunday I went to church at New Hope. I ate lunch in the cafeteria for the first time in a long time. I spent yesterday afternoon working hard to finish my Philippines scrapbook. I am almost there! It is definitely a HUGE scrap book. But, I am glad I am making it to remember everything by. I wish I had more time to devote to it! I would definitely make it cuter. But when you ahve 600 pictures it is hard to spend a lot of time on each page. otherwise, I would be working on that thing for years to come!

I was reading in my Bible this morning and found Psalm 18 to be really encouraging. I feel like I should share it with you all:

Psalm 18:27-36

27 You save the humble
but bring low those whose eyes are haughty.

28 You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning;
my God turns my darkness into light.

29 With your help I can advance against a troop [a] ;
with my God I can scale a wall.

30 As for God, his way is perfect;
the word of the LORD is flawless.
He is a shield
for all who take refuge in him.

31 For who is God besides the LORD ?
And who is the Rock except our God?

32 It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.

33 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on the heights.

34 He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.

35 You give me your shield of victory,
and your right hand sustains me;
you stoop down to make me great.

36 You broaden the path beneath me,
so that my ankles do not turn.

Isn't it amazing that God is everything we will ever need and that with Him we can do anything? I think that is just really awesome! It really spoke to me this morning and encouraged me! I hope it does you too!


HEre are some pictures of our pumpkins. I tried to challenge myself and carve an owl! Lol. Jonathan carved the other one.I also included some pictures of our trip to the corn maze. And a picture or two of my trip to Pj's and Kim's house!
















THE END!