Boyfriends, Ball Point Pens, and Colonscopes!

I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember how embarrassing it all was. Being a stranger in a foreign country. Struggling to communicate. Struggling to understand.

We were sitting at the concrete table in the orphanage yard. The kids were playing with whatever they could find: a stick, a can, a string, even a bird. One of the fellow workers had just said it out loud. And I was sitting there perplexed.

"Can I borrow your boyfriend?"

HUH???? BORROW HIM? Well, he's in America. I don't think so. "What?"

"Can I borrow your boyfriend?"

I guess I'm going to have to get more direct. "NO. I mean, he's all the way in America. What do you mean borrow him?"

This was followed by loud laughter and pointing. "Can I borrow your boyfriend". Finally Cameron helped me out of this situation (true friends would've helped sooner. haha. JUST KIDDING) ,"Jessica, he wants to borrow your ballpoint pen".

"OH. SURE".

Every moment in a foreign country is lived like this if you can't speak the language and they are attempting to speak english. Accents make it very hard to understand what someone is saying. I forgot how humiliating it all is. Until yesterday, when I relived this very scenario to a much bigger degree.

"Thank you for calling backup care advantage this is Jessica, how can I help you?"

"yes, I need vietnamese now."

"HUH"

I'll spare you the entire conversation. I realized the guy needed someone who could speak Vietnamese with him. HMM...I think we are a little short on those in our office. And in the Colorado office. I'm pretty sure those in the UK would be lost as well.

That's when I find out that we have a language line. A line you can call to get a translator on the phone. No one in my office had used it. So they handed me a piece of paper which I read quickly. I was still lost.

The First go round:

I gave them a call told them I needed a Vietnamese translator. I was told they were on the line so I begin with my normal spill.

I am STRUGGLING to communicate with this man. WHAT IS HAPPENING? I get frustrated and say,"Translator are you still on the line?" Dead silence. I'm pretty sure this isn't how this situation is supposed to play out. SO I have to put the poor man on hold again.

FINALLY, I conference call in a Vietnamese translator. So, I am speaking like I normally would but she is translating everything to him. he will then give his answer in Vietnamese and then she will translate back to me in English. This means everything takes twice as long.

I begin to register the man with our system. This takes a while. We have to know a lot of information. One of the pieces of information being their children's information (because we help people find care for their children). When I ask him the birth date of his child, he says he doesn't know and leaves the phone for five minutes. He comes back and says,"I think it's 1988". haha. OK?

SIDE NOTE: At this point everything they are saying to one another sounds like they are angry. I start wondering if they really are angry or if Vietnamese just sounds like an angry language?

This is when things start to click for me. This means his daughter is 22. Why would she need care? She's old enough to take care of herself. Maybe they do it differently in Vietnam?

I begin to ask him why he needs care for his 22 year old daughter?

The response was shocking. And imagine hearing a long diatribe in Vietnamese. Then the translator comes on (a woman),"I am not understanding why you are asking me about my daughter's birthday. I just need a colonoscope and was calling to see if it was covered?"

This is when all who know me will maybe be able to sympathize. I burst out laughing. I realize. THIS IS THE WORST POSSIBLE TIME TO LAUGH. What is wrong with me? Why couldn't I hold it in? This is so unprofessional. I'm two years old. Since when was a Colonoscope so hilarious? It's not. But I was laughing. The Translator didn't translate that. I guess it's universal.

I pulled myself together to tell the guy that he meant to get in touch with his health insurance to discuss this matter. I directed him to his HR department.

And then, I felt awful. Because I realize it must be really hard for him to figure things out if he can't speak english. The Poor guy just needs to stay healthy. And I realize just how hard it is to figure things out in a world where you can't speak the language. So I felt for him later. Especially that he wasted 45 minutes of his life on the phone with me for no reason.

I am angry at myself for laughing at all the worst possible moments. And this is definitely a pattern that has been consistent over my entire life. Something to work on.

By the end of the phone call I was literally sweating. Oh man. I didn't realize that this could even happen to me at this job. But next time I will be prepared. And it will probably, once again, take me back to my time in the Philippines. Where every day was this way.