Childhood dreams.

When I was growing up, like any other kid, I dreamed about what I wanted to do with my life. Funny how magical that seemed. Having a career. haha. Oooh, ahh. It really isn't magical, is it? Unlike most kids, I would become obsessed with certain ideas and preparing myself to do the most amazing job at them. I mean, my childhood definitely speaks to the fact that I gave up on things EASILY. Good to know it's something you can grow out of. ha. Here are the top things I wanted to do when I got older:

1. Be an Archaeologist. I wanted to explore the desert and find dinosaur bones and cool trinkets. haha. I would go in the yard and dig until I found "treasure". This led me to some how acquiring a metal detector from a friend and collecting all sorts of rings. Two of these random rings ended up on my ring bearer's pillow at my wedding. Just a little reminder of where I came from. haha.

2. A Ventriloquist. I used to want to do this SO BAD. I actually got a Ventriloquist doll from my nanny one christmas. It was Howdy Doody. Anyone remember him? Probably not. He's not even from my time. Anyways, one of my friends told me a scary story involving a doll coming to life. And I would never touch the doll or go in my room again until my mom got rid of it. There went that dream. Thanks to a friend I am now not following my dreams. haha.

3. A Magician. And so I got a magician kit for Christmas one year. And I would do all these awesome tricks (really they were about as lame as Jonathan's card tricks. ha). But, hey, not everyone is a good magician. I eventually gave that dream up when I realized no one was fooled by my tricks.

4. A singer. I wanted to move to Nashville and go to college there. All while trying to get a record deal.


It's funny the things we want to do growing up isn't it? Then God comes along and shows us how silly we are. And He molds our hearts to follow after what HE designed for us to do. And I am very thankful he called me to the mission field. All the other things seem even sillier when I consider where I am headed now.

God spoke to me during the service yesterday to this end. And reminded me of how important this call on my life really is. I have been kind of discouraged lately. Because of health issues in the family. Circumstances that don't make sense. And hard, hard things that I know friends of mine or my families are going through. And it's hard for me lately to not be emotional about it and wonder why God would do such a thing. J.D. Greear yesterday said he met a girl who claimed she believed in God but just didn't like him. She said he wasn't fair. Why would He allow everyone to suffer so much when He had all the power in the universe to stop it? And so this girl had decided God was her enemy. He wasn't for her. But he was against her. And I sat there in church thinking about how I sometimes don't understand God. But I don't want to head down the road of not liking him because my brain doesn't get it.

In the pew (well, really we sit in chairs...don't judge) I wanted to cry. Thinking about how unfair God seemed to be lately. And God spoke to me. He reminded me that HIS purposes are the main goal. That everything exists for His glory. And that it may seem cruel to allow the world to suffer in sin, disease and death. However, God doesn't find joy in these things. He is saddened just as much, if not more, by them than I am. See, He didn't want things to be like this. He designed them to be better. But we messed it up. And now the affects of sin an death are everywhere. But God also spoke to me saying even though it seems wrong to leave the world in suffering, he is actually being gracious? HOW, do you ask? Because He is giving people the chance to come to know him EVERY DAY! The longer he allows things to go on (no matter how crappy they are) HE allows His name to be proclaimed. And He is being gracious allowing people to not spend an eternity in hell. And that is a BIG DEAL! Therefore, we should be proclaiming His name. Allowing the world to not just continue in sin and suffering. But to hold out ultimate hope and joy. I don't know if that makes sense. But it was a big comfort to be reminded that while God is allowing some things, He has ulitmately conquered them and will come back again one day to show that so. But, he is also allowing suffering to continue so he can be gracious in other ways. Does that make sense? God articulated it better to my heart than I am articulating it now.

And so, I go on with hope. Realizing that my job is to proclaim Him to the world. To hold out his hope. And THIS is what I am going to do with the rest of my life. So forget the silly dreams I had when I was growing up that had nothing to do with God's purposes.